I am writing out of pure self interest... as a form of catharsis for a recent episode with a friend. My current musing is whether it is really possible to have a girl as a close friend? I was phoned up by someone I regarded as my closest friend the other day telling me that I should 'back off' in the friend's stakes with her as her boyfriend is concerned that we are 'too close.' While I always found her attractive, nothing has ever happened and I had always wanted to be close friends rather than anything else.
I always thought I got on well with the boyfriend and that he was the perfect guy for her, until that point I had been extremely happy for her. The problem however, is not really with the boyfriend, it is possibly more with my friend; I have shared more with her than many of my other friends and we always said that we would be close friend's for life... however, as soon as the proper boyfriend comes in, there is no defence by the girl of my own relationship with her, it is simply that our close friendship is on the backburner (I have noticed a considerable decrease of interest by her in the goings on of my own life).
I have always accepted that I would see less of her as her life became more busy and the boyfriend came on the scene. Ultimately, I always knew that my partial counselling role would no longer be needed once the firm boyfriend came on the scene.
However, this whole episode has now raised the idea that, as a guy, it is simply not possible to remain close confidants with a girl once the man comes on the scene. There is almost a feeling that I have been used until no longer necessary.
Now, I am not basing these thoughts on my relationship with one girl alone, the last 10 years have been littered with examples of girls who I have completely lost contact with once they have got boyfriends... Lexi, Sue, Olivia and another Olivia to name just a few. Will 'A' be added to this list? The episode has only just occurred so only time will tell.
As life goes on, from having a proportion of 50/50 girls & boys as close friends, I am now starting to see the ratio skew heavily to the boys side. That begs the question, is it really worth making the effort to be 'close friends' with girls in the first place when you will ultimately not figure later on in their life?
My current answer to this is 'yes' and 'no.' On the 'yes' side, I have had some of the most wonderful experiences and times with her, I would not change them for anything else. Also, in the times we have been very good friends, it has made me genuinely happy to see her and see her happy. I think that puts her in the category of 'a wonderful part of my life I can look back on with great fondness.'
On the 'no' side, if more of my friendships had been with guys rather than girls, maybe the early work put in would be paying off for me much later on in life... they would still be there to help me through their troubles and vice-versa.
Ultimately, I don't know what is going to happen here & I hope my friend firmly decides on her priorities and whether to cut me out of her life or not. However, it will be interesting to see in 30 years whether the 'friends for life' that my friend and I used to stand by has actually held true.
No comments:
Post a Comment